Thursday, February 20, 2025
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If you knew my mom you knew she was a difficult person but if you really knew her you knew she’d do anything for you.
Even times in my life where we werent speaking- if i called and needed ANYTHING; her & dad were there.
She loved dark humor, shopping, watching tv, going out to eat & Christmas.
When I was kid the neighbors would call & ask when Macy’s was ready because it was like a holiday store display.
In High School when you can write your pet peeves in yearbook I wrote “mommy’s 50 questions “
She definitely had a way of triggering me and pissing me off like no one else could.
I know I’ve chatted a lot during my healing journey how she told me I wasn’t wanted my whole life.
In my teen & twenties I was just stronger & put up a wall, it wasn’t until I became a mom that it really struck me how someone could say that to their child.
I learned boundaries. I learned self love.
But most importantly I learned GRACE.
I learned she was carrying trauma and doing the best she could.
It was her first round at life too.
She always pointed out what people didn’t do. Like she didn’t want a funeral cuz she said “if they can’t come see me when I’m alive, then why would they come when I’m dead”
So without a funeral, without any eulogies or prayers or reading of last rights -
On this one month anniversary of her passing I felt I wanted to share - it wasn’t always bad.
Just like anything - most people focus on the bad parts and less on the good.
I’ve seen a lot this past month in many of my relationships and in time I’ll speak on that more.
But today - while I miss my mom.
I talked with my dad who bought her orange roses & worked on TWO incredible upcoming projects I know she was with me.
She wouldn’t have said it, but I know she’s proud of me. . . and telling me what I’m doing wrong
Love you Ma.
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